Some moments you can never share completely. They are so special. Some of them are rare. What about the things that you just can't describe-you have to live it to see/feel it.
Eun Jin does so many cute things and has such cute faces for different feelings.
She has routines and habits that help her feel safe, secure and loved.
She is a "loud" personality and makes life interesting.
I look at her and think all the time about the things that her other two mamas are missing. Her birth mother and her foster mother. They both have love for her in their own ways.
We are so lucky to have Eun Jin in our lives every single day. It brings me to terrible sadness to think about these other two mothers that are being left behind.
I can never fully explain the look of her face when she is nervous. How she gets a little tense and then starts to look for her belly button.
I can take pictures of the cute little dimple on her right cheek but I cannot show the time line of it becoming more distinct over the last several months.
I will never be able to share with her birth mother the different sounds of her cries. When she needs help, when she is hurt and when she is being dramatic and just faking it.
Eun Jin is lucky, she had a wonderful foster mother that took care of her for many months and I am sure knew her different cries, but what about going forward. She is missing the cute learning to talk phase. The little moos and oink, oinks that really make me smile. I wonder if she is having a difficult time trying to form the words because of her time in Korea. We brought her home about the time she would have started to speak Korean. She screws her little mouth up or purses her lips when trying to say words. It is almost like her brain is trying to speak a different language and then she persists and English words come out. How do I explain to her and her "mothers" that she speaks English and there was no where to send her for Korean lessons... I have looked. Nothing is available. I have CD's and books but is that enough? I am not a good resource for that I have a hard enough time with English how would I learn Korean and to teach it!!!
How do you pick which photos to put in an album to send across the ocean? How do you define your shared little girl so that those who love her also "know" her...
I can't do it. I know that I can't. I have tried. I have cried tears countless times filled with guilt.
This little bird that came across the ocean with me cannot be defined in black and white. She is so colorful, so vibrant and I cannot gather it all up and send back. I really do want to share her but feel so helpless with my attempts.
