Not A Perfect Baby-(Thats Okay, We're Not A Perfect Family)

"FOR ME THOUGH, IT'S LIKE... I'VE GIVEN BIRTH TO MY OWN BABY GIRL,
YOU KNOW?
ONLY SHE'S, LIKE, A BIG GIANT GIRL... WHO SMOKES AND SAYS "SHIT"
A LOT. YOU KNOW?"
Quote from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

AAC sent us a packet of articles about adopting. It discusses the fantasy of adopting and expecting to adopt the perfect child. It talks about how to adjust and what to expect from your adopted child. It was interesting reading.

I am sure there are people out there that do inadvertently think they will end up adopting or giving birth to the perfect child. We however are not in that group, thankfully.

We have seen a video of Isabella showing stranger anxiety for persons of Korean descent, she cries and protests quite loudly when our agency person reaches towards her, it is going to be rough when we show up and take her away from everything she is used to. We are going to have to take the time to build a trusting, loving relationship with her. Just because we already have loving feelings for her does not mean she will feel the same way towards us. It will be hard on us emotionally as we build a relationship with her as she will most likely reject us at first. We will surely struggle as we try to take care of her, learning what she likes or does not like. Hopefully it will not take long for her to understand that we want to take care of her and help her have a happy life. We will stand by her all her life.

We have two children at home now that are as different as night and day. Both have wonderful qualities but there is that naughty streak in each of them that also manifests differently for each. It has been an interesting 10 years of parenthood. One girl. One Boy. Makes for a new adventure daily. Just when you think you know what to expect from them, they shake it up. Things that I expected to happen as a parent have not. Things that I never would have thought about have happened. Being a parent is the most rewarding job but also the hardest.
Your heart is walking around outside of your body and you have limited control as to what will happen to it.
I have a little squid, a frog prince and a baby bird, I would love to have the ability to put them gently in my pocket and protect them from the world. That would be selfish though, I realize that I need to help them reach their potential for this world we live in. I hope they all grow up happy, but also capable to deal with the harshness that they will face as they go out on their own.

We have talked about the changes that are coming upon us. We are hoping for a small storm but are prepared for a hurricane.
We know that Isabella Eun Jin is going to go through a lot of changes and adjusting as she becomes a member of our family.
Some of the things we have discussed are:
a lot of crying/screaming
rejection
excessive sleeping
sleep deprivation
tantrums
bonding to one individual sooner than others
feelings of favoritism
feeling neglected
despondence
withdrawn
hyper activity
lashing out physically

We have talked about how we are going to deal with feeding this child in the middle of the night, what we will do if her body clock does not adjust to our time zone.
How we will deal with her possibly choosing one favorite family member for a time being. (My husband hopes he will finally be someones favorite)
Jackson had to decide last night where his car seat would be and where Isabella's car seat would be. He currently sits in the middle. I told him we were going to move him to one side so that Isabella could sit in the middle. He said he wanted to sit in the middle still and put Isabella to the side seat. We told him that would be fine but if she needed to be taken care of he would have to do it, which includes passing toys, holding a bottle, giving a pacifier or singing to her to calm her down. We told him with him in the middle, our older child would not be able to reach Isabella to help. He decided that he did not want to take the full back seat responsibility and his final choice was to put Isabella in the middle. He is such a cute little man. He doesn't mind helping her but understands that Joelee could definitely be a good alliance to have back there.
When we first told our kids that we were adopting a baby girl, Joelee did not want to share her room. She was very protective of her space. We told her that was fine, we would put the baby in with Jackson. Jackson did not mind sharing his room at all. When we got our referral it was a different matter. Our newest daughter became a reality to Joelee and she was able to "see" her sister. She decided she wanted her to share her room and that she would take care of her in the night if she woke up to be fed. We will do the best we can to make each of our children feel secure in our family. We will have to make adjustments as we go along, but so far all the adjustments we have made for our kids have been worth. I am sure it will continue to be the same. We don't mind making sacrifices for the ones we love.